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May 23 2018

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While we’re at it, crying is also not inherently feminine. It’s inherently HUMAN

dear food bloggers










if you mention health in your recipe, i will assume the recipe is Austerity Food and does not taste very good. i will not give the recipe a chance. i will not try it. there are fifty thousand other search results. i will continue searching until i find a recipe that appears to be written with the intent of making food that tastes as good as possible, and also doesn’t expect me to do something like scramble three eggs in a single teaspoon of flavorless oil.

by the way, a piece of life advice: a generous splash of olive oil will keep the eggs from sticking to the pan (i know you burnt three or four batches before you got that pretty picture), taste really good (FAT IS FLAVOR say all the real chefs), is good for your heart (yes really), and if you’re on a diet (which you shouldn’t be) you can burn off that many calories by folding a basket of laundry. it’s not like you shanked an orphan. please calm the fuck down.

It takes far more than that to burn a “generous” amount of olive oil. While it may not be terrible for you, it’s still an increase in caloric intake.

i can’t believe i was reblogged by a blog with the tagline ‘anti fat acceptance, obesity kills’. i am honestly furious, and that’s hard to do on the internet these days.

take your pro-eating-disorder, anti-feminist, anti-health bullshit far away from my posts. SHAME KILLS.

fatphobia is the reason I didn’t know until Jesse started posting about it that most of my weight gain is from not getting ENOUGH calories.

fuck blogs like the one up there. fuck em.

since adding ~200 calories a day to my food intake i have had more energy, had an easier time working out, done longer and more productive workouts, and in 2 weeks i have gained noticeable muscle tone. not from trying to live on chia seeds and kale, but from eating regular food like egg and toast for breakfast, pbj and fruit for lunch, chicken and rice for supper, and adding a high-protein snack like yogurt and red bean jam or cheese and nuts.

diet culture is just purity theater. calorie counting is cargo cult medicine. your body wants to be active and healthy, stop punishing it and start cooperating with it.

i’m gonna bring this back. if you’re struggling with your weight, try ADDING a small snack to your daily intake. your body is probably in famine mode and conserving energy, storing every spare calorie as fat under the assumption that you’re experiencing famine conditions and the food is running out.

repeat: dieting convinces your body there’s a famine.

your body responds by hoarding calories.

this is an evolved survival trait.

you will be fat and fatigued because your metabolism is preparing for weeks or months with no food at all.

stop starving yourself. it’s not working.

The diet and fitness health industries are basically a two-man con. Diet says: you’re so fat, cut your calories. Fitness says: you’re so out of shape, you need to exercise more. So you cut your daily caloric intake to 1500, and you go to the gym, and you can barely go fifteen minutes before your heart is pounding and you can’t catch your breath and you’re about to fall off your treadmill, what is wrong with you? How do you fix this?

Diet says: You’re so fat! Cut calories!

Fitness says: You’re so out of shape! Exercise more!

You need energy to exercise. The energy content of food is measured in calories.

It’s a brilliant way to part people from their money, and also slowly suck all the vitality out of them. Like, seriously. The average adult human burns over a calorie a minute just paying the metabolic rent on having a warm-blooded body. There are 1440 minutes in a day. If you want to get fit, that’s a great goal, but don’t do it while cutting your caloric intake down to starvation levels. Calories are literally energy. You need energy to exercise. You need energy to live.

this is a great addition. between all my disabilities, it’s hard for me to get enough food, even with barb and seebs helping. when i’m having a good day and can fill in the gaps myself, and i get up somewhere near the 2600 calories an adult male my age needs, i get this amazing rush of energy. if i can keep this up a few days running, i noticeably put on muscle.

after that last run of prednisone ended, when i was feeling so healthy, i ate everything in sight for a solid three or four days. a week later, when they weighed me at the clinic, i’d lost ten pounds.

why? because instead of having to twist my own arm to exercise, i stayed an extra fifteen minutes in the pool, then took a walk in the evening. just because i felt energetic! i helped more with chores, played more with the cats, got next to seebs more, and in general just did more stuff, then slept better at night and woke up easier in the morning.

now, a lot of that was the prednisone. but my arms are bigger and i can lift more than two weeks ago, and that doesn’t come out of a blister pak.

eat enough. you will exercise more.

by the way – if you’re about to add a comment reminding everyone not to stuff their face with cake, or flatly stating that something i’ve said is wrong without providing any evidence or counterargument, ask yourself what your motivation is.

because the comments and reblogs are absolutely full of those, and the smug/desperate combo going on there is really telling. do you need to identify yourself as being on the socially acceptable side of this ‘debate’? do you need to double down on calorie restriction to justify the effort and suffering you’ve already done? do you just feel like taking a cheap shot at what you percieve to be an easy target?

if i remind you that i’m not a soft, anxious, plump young woman like the one you probably envision when you see fat-acceptance posts, does that change how you feel? if i point out that i’m an adult male built along the lines of maui from moana, does your urge to argue fade?

the diet industry is an industry built on misogyny.

fat-shaming is bullying disguised as concern trolling disguised as friendly advice. fat people are an Acceptable Target because we’re seen as weak. weak-willed, physically weak, morally weak. the fact that this is not true is something a lot of people don’t want to hear because we’re the only ones left you can make mean jokes about in public. and now we want to take away that last precious outlet for petty assholes’ innate cruelty. of course they’re gonna fight us on it.

ask yourself if that’s you. ask yourself if that’s what’s making you feel like this issue is about you and requires your commentary. because if it was REALLY about being so very very concerned about our health, you’d listen when we told you what goddamn works, you ankle-gnawing garbage trolls.

tl;dr: cosmo is not a medical magazine.

May 22 2018











So I just had the shit creeped out of me.

I’m not someone who believes in ghosts, but I was sitting in my room, alone and in the dark, and I heard the strings of my violin being softly plucked. 

My violin is hanging on the wall several feet away. 

So I gathered my courage, grabbed my phone, and used the camera light to investigate. 

And found this.


A goddamn spider was playing my violin. Not even joking. The little shit.

I think I’d have preferred a ghost….

So anyway…. *tiny incoherent cough exhumes from spider* Here’s Wonderwall.

bwa ha ha ha

I hesitated before posting, but I bet I know what’s going on here. The plucking was pretty rhythmic, right?

Male spiders pluck the webs of female spiders in a pattern to determine if the female is interested.

That spider was trying to mate with your violin…

Ahh so it’s a boy(I just assume every insect I see is a girl) that’s such a cute mating ritual!

He just wants love!

The behavior would indicate that it is a male. Only females weave webs. Male spiders have to be careful not to be mistaken for prey and eaten, so they pluck the web. Poor thing didn’t exactly get any this time!

Poor spider thinking “Damn this web was made by a strong spider, a real awesome spider, can I possibly get with this boss ass spider??”

poor little hyperion, dreaming of the moon

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School tells Navajo Nation boy to cut his long hair

Attorney Tara Houska discusses the significance of long hair in Native American culture:   Last week, I received a call from a family whose school had gone even further – the administrators were mandating that a Diné child cut his hair in compliance with the dress code, lest he be unable to attend next fall.

it’s a national holiday  today

Memes but with the wrong caption




I’m not sorry.

But you will be.






















We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

  • If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.


  • It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

Rare blue watermelon

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

soap makes water molecules smaller

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

The two way mirror

“listen here, cumslut.”

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.



Octopuses can fit through any gap larger than their beak.

What a beautiful octopus.

☭w☭ what’s this


*glomps the means of production*

Perfect politicians don’t exis--



I’ve read tons of posts about dress codes in US schools. Recently I even read an article about a girl who was sent home for having a top without sleeves. It’s so weird that our online magazines have started to cover it. And all of this seems like a dystopia to me.

Here’s a thing: Finnish schools do NOT have any dress codes. Like, at all. Nothing. As long as you have all legally demanded parts covered. Also, teachers might sent home a note if they notice a young child not wearing a hat or a jacket in winter (it’s FREEZING but hats are not cool yo).

I attended this elite high school (no, not EXPENSIVE, education is free in Finland, elite as in nerds and good teachers). All kids in there had the best grades of our entire country. It’s also a very old, traditional school that has produced many artists, politicians etc. for us (Finland is a small village but compared to that, those people are great). And what did I wear to this fancy school?

Leather skirts, so short everyone saw my garters. Skin thight red tops so open that you could see the color of my bra. Fishnet stay-up socks. Leather boots with stiletto heels. And I also sat on my desk most of the time, so all boys behind me could clearly see all the glory of my high-heeled legs. I admit, I was bit of a goth kid then.

Guess what? Everyone passed the classes. I did not cause all the boys in our year to fail. Actually, they got used to it so quick nobody even noticed my clothes. And nowadays I attend a respectable office job where I dress in a modest (altough personal) way. Because in Finland we let kids be kids. I had plenty of time to learn professional dress code after I’d had my fun.

TLDR; Dress codes for kids are weird and unnecessary and not having them will not make the world burn.

I once was told to cover up because I was wearing a tank top underneath an almost low-cut shirt and a teacher thought that some boys would think that it was a bra. Like they probably would have been okay with it if I hadn’t worn the tank top. I was wearing it to cover up acne scars. 

Thanks, America, for saving the boys in my class from almost maybe being subjected to something that kind of almost looks  sort of like a functioning support garment. 

Way to focus on education. 


me: *is left alone for several days*

brain: socialskills.exe has been deleted. you’re welcome

me: what? no! i needed that!



Unpopular opinion that shouldn’t be unpopular: anti-bullying programs in school that don’t address the root causes of bullying - which are almost invariably larger forms of bigotry and oppression like racism, ableism and homophobia - are completely useless and ultimately futile.

kids get bullied, frequently, because they’re “weird”. but it just so happens that the traits society calls “weird” are overwhelmingly related to poverty, minority religion or ethnicity, neurodivergence, non-straight sexuality, and gender non conformance. 

funny, that.

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modern au cask of amontillado

I am fucking dying

the keg of amontillado

crack open a cold one with montresor





Internet Skeptics: We deal in **reason** and **empiricism**, not **feelings**, like those irrational libcucks.

Peterson: Dragons are literally real, by which I mean that they’re metaphorically real, but it’s the same thing because of my unfalsifiable theory about how mythology reflects human evolutionary history. Also, women are inherently chaotic because there are witches in fairytales.

Internet Skeptics: I can find no fault with this argument.

No, but really. Men who most claim to be logical and rational are the ones who always parrot the words of other men they perceive to be logical and rational, without ever doing any critical thinking of their own.

Plus that absolute ludicrousness of claiming that women represent elemental chaos while simultaneously claiming that men will go on killing sprees unless they have regular access to sex.

There’s something about that claim that I find really fucking annoying.

The root of it is that the guy thinks that since the (Western) myths that he (cherrypicks) reads tend to have female gods of chaos that only a biological mechanism can explain why so many different (often tracing back to the same root) stories all made the same 50/50 decision.

The real fucking wild thing (other than assuming for absolutely no good reason that stories are directly informed by biology) is that his ‘chaos is inherently feminine, order is inherently masculine’ is in direct contradiction to his fucking whole schtick.

If order and structure was a fundamental attribute of male biology, how is it that thousands of young men need some old authoritarian wankstain to tell them to clean their damn room?

What’s more, if chaos is some fundamental attribute of female biology, why is it that proposed long-term space missions feature an all-female crew specifically because women, in close quarters, are able to sustain order and hierarchy better than men?  

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Fuck off, roomba. I’m dealing with something here.

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Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

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This is actually a test showing how sponges pump water through themselves for filter feeding!
They simply colored the water around them so you could easily see the process.

I love the ocean

Writing isn’t JUST About the Words – Improve Your Storytelling



Most people looking to improve their writing usually look to the prose. Here’s why that’s not the only thing you need to work on.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of pretty words. I love when an author can string something together that just makes me take a step back and be like, “Woah. That was gorgeous. Wordgasm right here. Wow.”

But truth be told, simply smashing a bunch of pretty sentences together isn’t all it takes. There are so many writers out there who are more simplistic in their writing style but they’re super successful because they can tell a great fucking story.

And that’s why I read in the first place. For the story.

There’s a shit ton of advice out there about how to be a better writer and most of it involves things like refining your prose and cutting filter words and the different sentence structures and how to craft a paragraph that reads simply and cohesively.

Yeah, those things are important. However, if you’re a pro at prose but you can’t tell a story worth shit, your book is going to suck some major ass. And I like to avoid ass-sucking books.

I don’t care about a paragraph of pretty words if those words don’t take me anywhere.

That being said, how does one learn how to tell a better story? Storytelling is definitely a talent that’s usually natural. However, if you want to improve the way you tell stories, try some of these things.


If you’re a writer looking to improve your storytelling, you need to read more. More specifically, you need to read some good books. But in general, you just need to read. Make reading high on your priority list if you’re a writer.

Seeing how other authors managed to tell a story and tell it well will help you learn how it works and how to write something good. Figure out what they did from chapter to chapter that really hooked you.

Pay attention to how they ended it and what specifically they focused on in the climax. Take note of the foreshadowing of events and how they managed to slip stuff in without you noticing. Dissect the book, basically. But only if it was a good one and left you in awe. You’ll be able to tell if a book was bad and that’ll also help you see what not to do. Just don’t go reading shitty books on purpose.

2. Listen to some free advice from successful authors

It boggles my mind when writers aren’t actively working to learn more about writing and storytelling. Honestly, there are so many free or very cheap ways to learn. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars and go to college to become an author. That’s not necessary and that’s not the only way to learn more about how to write.

But you should still be learning and growing. And all you need to do that is a computer, some fingers that are able to type, and free time. There are tons of free resources online and even just on Youtube.

You can also just Google, “writing advice from whoeverthefuckyourfavoriteauthoris” and you’re bound to find something if they’re popular enough. So get to researching! It’s worth the time if it’ll make you a better writer.

3. Listen to comedians at stand-up shows

Now, this is going to sound very, very odd, but hear me out. What makes a comedian so funny? How are they (the good ones, at least) able to tell a very simple story and make an entire room of people laugh? It’s because they know how to tell a story. They know where to emphasize what in a way that’ll get people hooked.

When someone is invested in that story, they can then hit them with something they weren’t expecting. That’s often the part that makes you laugh. You don’t see what’s coming because you’re so into their story.

Listen to comedians. Take note of what they do when telling their story so you can use those little techniques in your own writing. There’s a reason the good ones are so successful at what they do.

I’m not saying that trying to better your prose is pointless. I’m just saying that, if you want to write good books, bettering your storytelling is going to do a hell of a lot more for you.

                                        Check out the original post here!

Because storytelling > prose. 

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